After "A Lover's Discourse"

So it is the Teacher who cares and gives
 

The Look

salty / “Seriously?”

Silent frustration provoked by inappropriate, disruptive, or silly behavior from the student, who will be subject to a warning, possible detentions, and most definitely a phone call home.

1. “[Temptation] is active when the [student] is aware of the way one [student] is connected to others” (153).  Students are not always aware of their behaviors but they are aware of performing, especially for their audience of peers.  It is not uncommon for a student to whisper to you in epiphany, “Sorry, I had no idea what I was doing.”  Ninth graders like second chances.

2. “There is [a] scenography…” in intentional ignoring:  the student must be aware you are intentionally ignoring their behavior; the student must know you are choosing not to respond; the student must remember the prior warning from yesterday’s conversation about why trying to write with the orange highlighter in their mouth does not warrant your attention unless it is causing harm to this student or another (265). But Ninth graders like narcissism*.

   

    “At one point in the lesson Ethan chose to annotate the article using his mouth...No, he was trying to write with it using his lips, not his hand...He was just being silly, trying to gain attention from the other students...Yes, I agree...this is not what we expect from students in high school. This is not high school...Is there anything else I should know about Ethan in order to support his learning in the classroom?” Ninth graders like drawing penises on desks.

Seating Chart Sudoku

“When can we choose our seats?” / controlled socializing

a map you prescribe in which you attempt to manipulate the blocking, movement, and socializing that takes place within your classroom and makes your daily environment.

1. “The [seating chart] is the organ of” classroom management (267). Some problems between personalities will evaporate when new seats are assigned. Is it enabling a student who always comes in late if you seat them by the door? Students who often smell or sneeze are placed furthest from your desk. By high school, head lice shouldn’t be a concern.

    The seating chart is comprised of five tables, which each seat 4-6 students. All seats are arranged so students can easily see the board, but often students face each other. Students must learn together. Together, students hold “the capacity for making meaning through the experience of reading…[which]... is one way that individuals are gathered into a community….[meaning is]...negotiated in a kind of collective dialogue whose operations are still not fully understood” (192).  Ninth graders like noticing which ninth graders have squeaky voices and asking whether those ninth graders have gone through puberty yet.

2.  One must sit in the front because she wears glasses, so must another because he refuses to wear them.  Student A has hearing aids. Student B has ADHD and needs to sit where they can easily stand up.  Students K and L have IEPs that require prime seating. Student X cannot sit near Student Y--they have a history.  Students Q, R, S, and T are pleasant enough, so they are put next to Students D, E, F, and J, who are the most challenging.  Student P is always absent.  Student L is big and tall, so best to leave an open seat near him. Student M and N are dating?!  Ninth graders like reading Macbeth.

Lessons on How to Read and Write Good

“obeast” / obese

“All texts are reworkings of other texts, that writing comes out of reading, that writing is always rewriting, you can see that the desirable quality we call “originality” does not mean creating something out of nothing but simply making an interesting change in what has been done before you” (150).  

1. Sometimes a student’s innocent mistake for a common word like obese can reveal the deepest layers of cultural meaning.  

“I wish that someone...had taken a quick look at the opening scenes of Bambi that Saturday afternoon and had said to himself, This movie is only going to drive the kid deeper into sexual stereotyping. It’s going to validate the worst attitudes of the adult world that surrounds him. It’s going to speed the end of his innocence” (205).  Ninth graders like Spongebob.

Missing Work

“Did I miss anything?” / “...”

Upon arriving back to school after a day-long or infinite absence, students seeks knowledge of what occurred during their time away.  You attempt to placate the malingering and recreate your earth-shattering lesson with a take-home quiz or the easy deal of copying notes from a friend.

1. You, yourself, are rarely absent because writing sub plans is often more work than powering through with a stuffy nose or stomach ache. If you must be absent, it’s a day you need to spend catching up on grading papers. All doctor’s appointments must be arranged in the precious hours of the late afternoon or during a prep period. Similar to your feelings about the dentist, ninth graders like hating their orthodontists.

“Mom”

Familiar / Caregiver

Students will slip and accidentally address you as such.

1. It’s not a new idea that in addition to teaching you are also nursing, psychoanalyzing, socializing, recruiting, coaching, counseling, feeding, parenting, and loving your students. Your job description is creating the future of our world.  

    “But that is all right with me because there is a day in every woman’s life when she hears a voice inside herself that tells her what she needs to do, that tells her what needs to come out and be heard, even if it is only from a tower, only in a forest. And if any man is wandering by and hears it, he had better have a ladder and the strength to endure the power of her tears” (280).  We want every student to grow into being the woman who hears and speaks her own voice; we want every student to be the man who has the strength to endure and listen to others different from himself.    

Ninth graders like hearing you missed them over a four-day weekend.

   

*Italicized lines are borrowed from Andrew Simmons’s prose poem “Ninth Graders Like” first published on McSweeney’s Internet Tendency on January 31, 2013.